Wednesday, 28 March 2012


LET'S face it, some men are born charmers — they will charm the very milk out of a cup of coffee. That's why sometimes women get both their socks, pants and their senses charmed off, and they're often none the wiser until they're shocked into reality by a negative experience.

Don't be fooled, there are a number of unions where one person may believe he/she is in a good committed relationship, while the other person's thoughts are nowhere near there.

So what signs can you look for to tell that your man is not really your boyfriend? Wayne Powell, relationship counsellor, says you should look out for these below.

1. He introduces you as friend. While you keep introducing him to your friends as your 'boyfriend', he tells his friends that you're his buddy. This is even worse when many years have passed and your status remains the same. It gets worse when he introduces you as his "good sistren", with the emphasis on "good", eye wink and all. You may be misinterpreting him sleeping with you as a relationship.

2. He doesn't know your phone number. You text him something saucy after three months of dating and he texts back to ask 'who is this?' Then he tells you that he changed his phone and that is why he did not recognise your number. You're obviously not priority number one. Don't accept the excuse that he does not know how to input numbers in his phone or he does not know how to spell your name. If he was really interested, he'd remember.

3. He only calls you to beg credit. Not only does he call you only to ask for credit, but outside of that, his only other contact with you is a 'please call me' message. Worst of all, he never uses any of that credit to call you back. This means you're more of a "boopsie" rather than a "choopsie." This kind of a transactional relationship is short-lived.

4. He only talks to you after 11 pm on 'free nights'. Despite him being busy during the days, if you were his number one, he would not hesitate to call throughout the day to ask how your day is going. If he can only talk to you when you are half asleep on free nights, then expect many sleepless nights if the relationship progresses. Nothing is wrong with him taking advantage of the benefits the service provider offers, but it surely can't be the only time communication takes place.

5. He did not tell you 'happy birthday' until your birthday night when he checked Facebook and saw the update. This shows that he's not invested enough in you to remember important dates.

6. He does not take you out. Every time you suggest going out on a date he finds reasons not to. Even if you won movie tickets for two, he suggests you take your girlfriend along. And if you pressure him enough he will probably take you to one of the fast food joints, but he will use the drive-thru lane. Don't buy the excuse that he is a homebody and doesn't like a crowd. He is either ashamed to be seen with you in public or doesn't want to blow his cover. If this behaviour continues, you don't need a calculator to work out the math — you are not his girlfriend!

7. He finds excuses not to meet your parents. If he was your boyfriend then he would have no problem meeting your family and friends. Meeting your parents means the relationship has reached a higher level. If he doesn't want to, that means he is not ready to declare his commitment just yet.

8. He does not know your likes, dislikes, or family background. He never asks about your likes and dislikes, about your family or anything personal. In fact, all his interests are geared around what sexual positions you like. If he shows no interest in you as a person, this is an indication that his intentions are superficial and will wane as soon as the novelty wears off. If his only interest is sexual, then as soon as he meets someone else who can better "tun up de ting", he he will change his song from "a yah so nice" to "a deh so nice".

9. He never checks to see how your day was and if you are OK. He shows no interest in you as an individual. Even after telling him you are not feeling well, he never bothers to ask what is wrong. This is a sure indicator that he only wants you for the fun part of the relationship. Ladies, be mindful of the guys who only visit you when you're off your period, it shows where the interest in the relationship lies.

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