Wednesday, 28 March 2012


LET'S face it, some men are born charmers — they will charm the very milk out of a cup of coffee. That's why sometimes women get both their socks, pants and their senses charmed off, and they're often none the wiser until they're shocked into reality by a negative experience.

Don't be fooled, there are a number of unions where one person may believe he/she is in a good committed relationship, while the other person's thoughts are nowhere near there.

So what signs can you look for to tell that your man is not really your boyfriend? Wayne Powell, relationship counsellor, says you should look out for these below.

1. He introduces you as friend. While you keep introducing him to your friends as your 'boyfriend', he tells his friends that you're his buddy. This is even worse when many years have passed and your status remains the same. It gets worse when he introduces you as his "good sistren", with the emphasis on "good", eye wink and all. You may be misinterpreting him sleeping with you as a relationship.

2. He doesn't know your phone number. You text him something saucy after three months of dating and he texts back to ask 'who is this?' Then he tells you that he changed his phone and that is why he did not recognise your number. You're obviously not priority number one. Don't accept the excuse that he does not know how to input numbers in his phone or he does not know how to spell your name. If he was really interested, he'd remember.

3. He only calls you to beg credit. Not only does he call you only to ask for credit, but outside of that, his only other contact with you is a 'please call me' message. Worst of all, he never uses any of that credit to call you back. This means you're more of a "boopsie" rather than a "choopsie." This kind of a transactional relationship is short-lived.

4. He only talks to you after 11 pm on 'free nights'. Despite him being busy during the days, if you were his number one, he would not hesitate to call throughout the day to ask how your day is going. If he can only talk to you when you are half asleep on free nights, then expect many sleepless nights if the relationship progresses. Nothing is wrong with him taking advantage of the benefits the service provider offers, but it surely can't be the only time communication takes place.

5. He did not tell you 'happy birthday' until your birthday night when he checked Facebook and saw the update. This shows that he's not invested enough in you to remember important dates.

6. He does not take you out. Every time you suggest going out on a date he finds reasons not to. Even if you won movie tickets for two, he suggests you take your girlfriend along. And if you pressure him enough he will probably take you to one of the fast food joints, but he will use the drive-thru lane. Don't buy the excuse that he is a homebody and doesn't like a crowd. He is either ashamed to be seen with you in public or doesn't want to blow his cover. If this behaviour continues, you don't need a calculator to work out the math — you are not his girlfriend!

7. He finds excuses not to meet your parents. If he was your boyfriend then he would have no problem meeting your family and friends. Meeting your parents means the relationship has reached a higher level. If he doesn't want to, that means he is not ready to declare his commitment just yet.

8. He does not know your likes, dislikes, or family background. He never asks about your likes and dislikes, about your family or anything personal. In fact, all his interests are geared around what sexual positions you like. If he shows no interest in you as a person, this is an indication that his intentions are superficial and will wane as soon as the novelty wears off. If his only interest is sexual, then as soon as he meets someone else who can better "tun up de ting", he he will change his song from "a yah so nice" to "a deh so nice".

9. He never checks to see how your day was and if you are OK. He shows no interest in you as an individual. Even after telling him you are not feeling well, he never bothers to ask what is wrong. This is a sure indicator that he only wants you for the fun part of the relationship. Ladies, be mindful of the guys who only visit you when you're off your period, it shows where the interest in the relationship lies.

Tuesday, 27 March 2012


Are we going forward or backward in the fight against rape and sexual abuse? Is the Nigerian Justice system allowing pedophiles roam the streets? This news report published in the Daily Times on Monday 26th March, 2012 puts a big question mark on the Nigerian Justice system and it’s ability to protect its citizens from criminals.

It read thus:

“A Gwagwalada Upper Area Court, on Monday, sentenced a 26-year-old trader, Samuel Nathaniel, of Kuje, FCT, to one year’s imprisonment for raping a five-year-old girl.

The judge, Babangida Hassan, however, gave him an option of a fine of N40,000. The police prosecutor, Samuel Ochefu, told the court that Nathaniel raped the girl in his shop at Kuje Market. Ochefu said that in the process, the girl sustained serious injuries in her private part and was taken to Kuje General Hospital where she was treated at a cost of N153, 200; adding that the money had been refunded to the victim’s family by the relations of the convict.

Nathaniel pleaded guilty and prayed for forgiveness.

But the judge said there was no reason why Nathaniel should not be convicted and sentenced. He ordered that the convict should leave the vicinity where the incident occurred within the period of three months and should also sign an undertaken to that effect.”

It’s quite sad to see that despite the repeated outcry against rape and sexual abuse of minors in the country, a man can get away with raping a five year-old girl! What is a fine of N40, 000 or a one-year jail sentence compared to the agony and permanent scar this man has made on the life of an innocent child? A 26 year-old man took a five year-old girl to his shop and raped her till the extent that she sustained serious injuries on her private part and a judge lets him walk!

There are two reasons that stand out in this report on why this man should never be allowed out of a prison. 1. He pleaded guilty to the charge meaning he knew what he did was totally wrong and despite the consequences, went ahead to inflict such wickedness on the young girl. 2. The victim in this case was a minor; a young girl who couldn’t defend herself, who had no idea of the kind of injury this man was inflicting on her and who must have gone through serious pain in the process.

If he did this to this young girl, what are the chances that he wouldn’t do it again in when he gets to another ‘vicinity’ according to the judge’s order? I thought the justice system was supposed to protect innocent victims and not to recycle criminals back into the society.

Would this young girl ever forget this experience? If the physical scars heal, would the emotional scars ever fade?

For her and her family, I pray for healing and comfort. And for the ‘justice’ system that allowed this man walk, this is a wake-up call. There should be better ways to protect innocent children in Nigeria!

News Source: Daily Times


Just because a couple gets married doesn't mean they will magically be on the same page sexually.

Sexual incompatibility in desired frequency, variety, and the priority given the intimate relationship are some of the common challenges couples face in marriage. It's not uncommon for there to be some degree of sexual incompatibility to be worked through in marriage. In fact, it's part of the adventure.

Sexual incompatibility is a normal and natural part of marriage given the different sexual wiring of men and women, and the unique differences and desires of every individual. Sexual incompatibility is the inability of one or both spouses to understand each other sexually, to make some necessary changes, and then work with or adapt to each other’s differences.

This incompatibility often manifests itself in a husband and wife’s desires regarding frequency, variety, and the degree of emotional engagement they invest in the sexual relationship. It also affects the level of interest and the importance placed on the sexual dimension of marriage.

The great thing is that sexual incompatibility can be diminished as couples WORK through (NOT IGNORE) their differences, and together build their intimate relationship. It’s not the couples’ differences, but what they do with them that really matters.

Monday, 26 March 2012


Love the moment. Flowers grow out of dark moments. Therefore, each moment is vital. It affects the whole. Life is a succession of such moments and to live each, is to succeed.


ONYIDIVA: IS IT WORTH IT?: It was 8 o’clock that morning and I was already dressed in my black dress, black shoes and no make-up, with my brushed hair in a pony tail. ...